July 17, 2007

So much has happened in these last weeks that it is hard to know where to start. So after my 7 days in the mountains, for guide training, I got to spend about 5 days in Base Camp before I was sent out on my first official trip of the summer. After that trip I came back down to Base camp only to find out that I would be going out on a back-to-back in essentially one day. After that trip I got to come back down to Base camp for 2 days of work projects then found out (on our scheduled day off) that a participant had tweaked her knee @ 3300 feet. So a recon group of 13 guys went up and hiked her down 1000 feet and then carried her in a rescue litter the other 2300 feet…till four in the morning… a 15 hour hiking day. I had no idea God’s challenge for me this summer would be so physical.

I’m finding out that God works in the shadows between certainty and doubt. I have been able to perform throughout these trips surprisingly well. A few blisters, sore feet, and tired muscles here and there, but on the whole I feel good. Although I would like to attribute this resilience to a body that borders on physical perfection, I’m afraid this is simply not the case. :) I can’t help but think of how much all the prayers you have said on my behalf have reached their destination of the Father. And I can’t help but wonder how much He has had mercy on me because of them. Yesterday was a prime example. Having 13 guys carrying a litter (a first aid basket for carrying a patient) down a steep mountain trail only by head lamp, not only begs for additional injuries, but it almost demands it. Yet the only lasting affects were worn feet/arms and tired eyes. I’m not saying this for sympathy, awe factor, or to instill fear. I’m saying this as a testament to God… as a reminder to myself that He indeed holds me and every one of His children in His hand. I realize that this may sound cliché, but just like faith, it is statements like these that become real only when you place your life on them. Peter in the storm, walking on the water, comes to mind.

I have begun to see a different side of Beyond trips. Dare I say it; I have begun to be disenchanted by them. The last two weeks I have spent in the mountains were amazing weather wise. I learned a new route (Mt Albert) which is Beyond's tallest peak. On summit day we had a 360 degree view of every mountain as far as the eye could see. Literally a picture perfect summit. But as I sat there, the views did very little for me. The honeymoon was over, I had developed a higher tolerance, that well had been tapped dry. I wondered what the deal was. Why was God silent? Why wasn’t he meeting me in the same way he had before? I still don’t know why. For whatever reason I didn’t “feel” the holy awe. I suppose it is just like the Bible story where God was not in the earth quake or the fire on the mountain, but rather He was in the quiet wind. And so I have begun to look for him elsewhere. I have a sneaky suspicion that I will find him not so much in the views of his earthly creation but rather in his humanly creation. Now I don’t mean this in a weird pantheistic way. But I’m learning to see the peak of creation as being in the participants of the trips rather than in slabs of granite. This is far from a simple task, especially when they decide that the best pace to adopt is that of an elderly turtle, but life goes on, trips go into and come out of the mountains, and I am still searching after God.

One question I would challenge each one of you at home with, stems from my first trip I led this summer. They were a group of guys that were blatant products of young life culture (fun, games, and just enough God to stay within the attention span).

“Why are you a Christ follower?”

This doesn’t ask why you go to church, do good things, or why you think the Bible is truth. This simply asks why do you pursue a relationship with Jesus of Nazareth, God incarnate? I find I jump to answers with this one, so I’d encourage each of you to really think on this one, and look in to the corners of your faith that may or may not be pleasant.

Sorry for not writing sooner. I’m in the radio room right now and it feels like the first extended down time I’ve had in about a month. It feels great to have a flushing toilet!

I love the letters I’ve gotten! Keep them coming!

Well “10-day” has come and gone, and as usual 7 days in the mountains has too many stories to count. Notable events include more snow than expected from the winter (which will make route finding interesting this year). You would think at the end of June that the weather would be mild and warm, but no. Five out of the seven days we had sub-freezing temperatures and a total snow fall of about a foot and a half (all very unique occurrences). Despite the abnormal snow levels we still found a crevasse to jump into and play with. For those of you, who are curious what one looks like, don’t worry. I got it all on video. What can I say…I am my father’s son. Surprisingly my back gave me barely any grief. (I tweaked it moving rocks in the water fall) and the biggest struggle this time around was simply cold feet (also a common direction this week among the guides.)

I have a feeling that this summer will be a challenge of endurance. I had mentally closed last summer as being all done with the trips, and now realizing that week 1 has yet to start. I can only see a long road ahead. And this really bugs me. Logically I know the summer will be over before I realize it and as such I should live each day with almost a sacred reverence. For whether in base camp or the mountains, I am doing something that many people only wish they could do. Regardless, my desire for temporary comfort and free time has a strong hold on my life. So once again, I find myself having to stop and realize that these trips and this summer is God’s. I say this for a specific reason. I sat at 5000 feet and watched one of the grandest displays of the dance between sun and clouds that you could imagine. But this scene was a familiar one and as such, the awe that I desired was, in a way, absent. I hoped that by going to the heights I would be able to see God. But no dice. I felt nothing. The thing that can draw you closest to God can easily become a substitute for God and then lose all meaning. This summer will be a fight against going through motions, for if this summer is just about me climbing mountains and seeing amazing sight, then it will be a lost summer.